How to Find a BDSM Partner

If you’re into handcuffs and sexy play, you should try to develop relationships in your local kink community or join an online one. This is a safer way to meet people who may be Doms or subs you can play with.

If you do have a date and they want to explore BDSM together, it’s best not to mention it in the first conversation. Keep the conversation open and transparent, but not too specific.

1. Know what you want.

The first step in finding a Dom or sub is to determine what exactly you want out of BDSM. Be sure to make a list of what you are interested in, and also a list of things that are absolutely off limits (these are called your hard limit). It is important to be open and clear with potential play partners about what you will and won’t do.

It is also wise to set up a safe word or signal that you can use to stop the scene should things become uncomfortable or unsafe. This is something that should be negotiated between the two parties. For example, some people choose to use a green-yellow-red system, where green means go, yellow means slow down, and red means stop.

It can be difficult to find a BDSM partner, but it is not impossible. If you are willing to put in the time and effort, you can find someone who is a good match for you, both in and out of the bedroom. Try attending a munch, making friends in the kink community, or joining an online BDSM community.

2. Know where to look.

In the kink world (or at least in the sexy fetish community), people who are interested in playing often seek out partners that have similar interests. Whether you want to find someone for one-time play, or a D/s relationship, finding the right person takes some time and effort.

One of the best ways to find a BDSM partner is to become active in your local kink scene. Participate in munches, play parties, or join an online community and get to know your potential partners. This will help you get a feel for their level of experience and whether they’re the kind of dominant/submissive role that you’re looking for.

Having said that, it’s important to remember that kink isn’t something you shout from the rooftops about. Many of us have kink interests that aren’t obvious to vanilla folks, and mentioning these things on dating apps or in conversation may turn them off or scare them. You’re likely to have more success if you approach it the same way you would a vanilla date. Keep it casual, don’t push for anything too intense and always have great communication skills.

3. Know your limits.

As long as it’s consensual and safe, BDSM is a great way to explore sexual fantasies, bondage, and even fetishism. But before you start searching for your partner, it’s important to know your limits and boundaries.

You should always communicate your kink and interests clearly to ensure that the right people are interested in you. For example, if you want to try spanking, make sure your potential partner is open to it and willing to play with you. If not, you may want to consider finding someone else.

Additionally, you should avoid making sexually charged opening remarks on BDSM dating sites or apps. These can make a person feel uncomfortable and less likely to respond to you. It’s also a good idea to set up a safe word, a non-sexual code word that you can use to signal that you need to leave the scene or pause the conversation.

Developing relationships within your local kink community is one of the best ways to meet people who share your interests and are open to a variety of kinky play. Attending munches and other events can help you get to know people and find a BDSM partner that’s right for you.

4. Know your partner’s limits.

It’s important for everyone involved in BDSM to have clear and defined boundaries. This is especially true for those who are new to the lifestyle. Having clear boundaries is what sets people up for success in the lifestyle and helps to ensure that everyone’s safety is respected.

The best way to do this is by talking about it. This is a great way to get to know your partner. You can discuss things like who will be dominant, submissive, or if you will switch roles, and what type of play you want to engage in. You can also set some “safe words” with your partner, which are code words decided on ahead of time that tell the other person when you’re reaching your moral boundaries and need to slow down or stop.

This is a great way to make sure that you are both having a safe and enjoyable experience in the kink community. It’s also a great way to avoid hurting or making anyone uncomfortable in the process of finding your perfect partner.

5. Know your own limits.

A big part of finding a BDSM partner is knowing your own limits. This is especially important for new kinksters who may be feeling a lot of lust, but aren’t quite sure what they want from a relationship.

This is why a munch is such a great place to start, as you’ll be able to meet people and discuss play with others who can give you some guidance. They’ll know the kinksters who are good eggs and those you should avoid, so you can get to work without worrying about safety.

Another way to ensure your safety is to set up a safe call with your date. This is a standard practice within the kink community, and it allows you to check in with your friend at a predetermined time. If they don’t respect your safety, then you should walk away from the relationship.

BDSM dating can be exhilarating and fulfilling, but only if both parties adhere to the proper dos and don’ts. This includes being open about your kinks, respecting one another’s boundaries, and prioritizing consent.